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Monday, December 20th, 2004

Subject:Emily Browning!
Time:1:05 am.
Mood: anxious.
Well, what a surprise, I haven’t updated for about 4 months... what can I say? Well, I would like to say that it is because I am too busy, that I have a fully booked schedule… that I have a life... but I can't! The truth is I don’t, I think I’m still waiting for life to start, keep finding things that make me think it has… but then I realise that it’s just the same as the last thing… I don’t even know why I’m updating; just felt that it was right… I may even be repeating things from my last post, I haven’t really checked to see what I last wrote… I think it’s better that I just ‘flow’ I suppose…

A lot has happened, although life moves so fast, that you forget the little things that have changed, and it’s the little changes that are often the most important… they’re the real changes, like the tee-shirts you don’t wear anymore, because they’ve faded in the wash, or somebody who you didn’t really talk to that much leaving your circle of friends or work and feeling weird because you would always see them there… or prices being put up, finding an old toy or position that you thought you had lost… these are the things that really haunt you… things that change you…

One of the biggest things to happen with me at the moment is my room, or should I say, my old room… at this house, where I am now, where some of you have visited, or seen me on webcam in… isn’t my home anymore… a friend from work was being made homeless by his land lord, so I offered my room to him, got him and my mum together to discuss him moving in, where I moved from… *to be a good business man you have to be a good middle man* to steal a quote from layer cake… I said I moved out, I didn’t move out in the sense that I have my own place or anything, I just, stay with Amy, my new girlfriend… I drift from her house, to johns occasionally, my dads once in a blue moon, and sometimes I come back here and crash on the couch… like I used to do when my dog was dying, and he couldn’t use stairs, so I slept down here to keep him company… god how I miss him! Earlier I was walking across the common, where I used to walk him and picturing myself and him, and even Raggy or Charlie, the dogs we had with Nero… Raggy died when I was in year 9 and Charlie was the dog who got hit by the car while I was out walking her…
A bit of a ramble there, but as I said… the little things, the fading memories… the things like the insomnia, almost this time last year, sat on msn, talking to ginger Chris, or Brighton Chris, talking about, well… just random shit really, just to keep me entertained…
Also, with Sean moving in, I had to do something I had wanted to do for so long! Sort my room out… I put all my old stuff in big boxes, and I found a lot of things that reminded me of things… like I found Michael Moore’s ‘Dude where’s my country’ and I had memories of me, sat in the gym bar, waiting while John did his routine work out… waiting, reading, listening to the rain outside… and then thinking about times when me and John used to go to the circle and we’d be the only guys there… and we’d talk about hell fest, or warped tour and how we planned to go in the summer… summer’s been and gone… no closer to America!
I suppose appearance wise there’s nothing much new… new shoes, new clothes, but the most apparent difference is my hair… I had it cut in that style everyone was sporting about 6 months ago, but I never had the guts… the asymmetrical short on one side, long on the other… had it in Toni and guy… never thought I’d ever do that… cost me £50… never thought I’d do that either…

I quit college, I realised that I possibly was never meant to go to college… after my GNVQ; I thought I was man enough for a-levels, but things didn’t go to plan… I signed up for media, photography and travel and tourism… but as it happened, that was all wrong, when it came to starting media and photography clashed together and both clashed with one or two of the travel and tourism lessons… which basically meant I had to pick one! So I left! Signed up for media, film and psychology… that didn’t go well, psych wasn’t finalised so I never got enrolled for that… media, one teacher left and the other fell pregnant, so for the coursework lessons I didn’t get any help… so I chatted… and failed… film, went ok… that’s 1 AS in 2 years of college… then this year, I signed up for film A2, English intensive, and philosophy… English and film were both dropped because no-one signed up for them… so I thought ‘fuck college!’ maybe next year I’ll try something else… I would like to go to university, but I don’t think that’s in the cards for me… I think I have to go another way around… but I do still want to direct! And I swear to god, I will, even if it is Eastenders or like… Biker Grove or something! I’ll make them shows rock!

In my hand I hold a performance schedule from work, it was just on the side, indicating that it must be fairly recent… but when I opened it, showing in the 4 biggest screens is Dodge ball, Hell boy, the Terminal and chronicles of Riddick…which are long gone now! and I realised, that if you want to stay young, retain your youth, and keep everything you have for ever, the cinema is a bad place to work… week by week the timetable changes, new films come and go, and before you know it, the whole cinema line up has completely changed… time moves so fast… sometimes I wonder if we all perceive time the same way, whether someone lives life in fast forward or in slow motion or something, we would never know, because we get used to speeds… one person would see their speed as the same as everyone else’s…
And it really got me thinking about everything that I had forgotten, playing songs I hadn’t heard for far too long… songs like ‘the district sleeps alone tonight’ which jut remind me of the insomnia again, I remember seeing it on MTV at about 4am, whilst speaking to Mallory on msn, or something like that… I know me and her had a big long conversation about everything that started with a line from that song…and songs like that and ‘stop making sense’ by ‘this girl’ and ‘ghost chant’ by ‘poison the well’ that remind me that a whole year has passed, and it’s nearly Christmas, this time last year I was jobless, going for meals with john and Ashley single, a few months after a very rough break-up with Juliet… wondering where I’d be in a year… never thought it would be here…

The other week I was at Ashley’s house with John, looking over all the play lists me and John used to make, with names such as Kris is gay and Daniel backs head etc… listening to songs by bands such as ‘further seems forever’, ‘the hurt process’, ‘the used’ and stuff like that…
I also started buying (and finished buying) all my old toys from eBay, all those toys that I used to have between the ages of like 5 to 16, that were chewed up by my dog, or who’s heads fell off, or one’s I swapped for one’s I thought were better (but realised after their heads fell off, that they weren’t), or that I lost at random times… mostly predators, the old Kenner action figures… and Jurassic park, also by Kenner… etc… spent about £400 all together with everything in total… made me feel slightly more complete, but still… not whole…
A few weeks ago I was coming back from the cinema with Amy and I ran into Charlotte and Jessica, people I used to go to school and GYPC with… and then that struck me, I hadn’t seen them for over a year and it was about 3 years ago when I first got involved with GYPC… that made me think… time… where does it go?

I watched garden state the other day, and it got me thinking, it is a beautiful film, I love it so much! Although nothing much happens in it, it’s just a love story, with a few comedic moments… but it’s the best film I’ve seen for along time! And it made me think a lot about love… what is love? Have I ever felt love? Have I ever been in love? I look at some people, like john and Fiona, and become so envious of what they have… and I realise that what they have takes work and dedication… I realised that I’m missing some very big things that most of the people I see, seem to have… maybe they miss it too, but they’ve done better at dealing with it…
I also watched a series of unfortunate events, which has the most beautiful lead girl… who is 16!!! Who I seem to have fallen in love with… (that is assuming I actually know what it is… I’m so bad, I even tried to add her on myspace…)
My mum just got back from Germany, and that made me think… in the last few years, my mum’s been everywhere… Amsterdam, Finland, Germany, France, Belgium… all over the place… and I wonder, when will I leave England?

When does life start? Does it really start when you are born? Or do you have to fight to have a life? Life moves too fast, what’s the point?

That’s really all I’m going to say… I’ve got a lot more to say… but I don’t think I can word it… maybe another time…

Take care!
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Monday, August 30th, 2004

Time:11:01 pm.
Principal: Donald… let me preface this by saying that your Iowa test scores are intimidating. So… let’s go over this again. What exactly did you say to Ms. Farmer?

Kitty Farmer: I’ll tell you what he said. He asked me to forcibly insert the Life Line exercise card into my anus!

these are great words!
Comments: Came Out To Play.

Wednesday, August 25th, 2004

Subject:10mm tunnel yay!
Time:1:37 pm.
Mood: amused.
"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live."
Henry David Thoreau

monday night i watched the chronicals of riddick... i have to say... i was offended! first of all its a sequal to pitch black... so they aren't really chronicals... the story is another hollywood misfit, just a story with lots of people killing other people, thats all people wanna see anymore, vaste terrible armies fighting with other vaste terrible armies, where millions of people die, yet there is still millions left! poor old riddick got a little butt fucked in that film, his character was one everyone loved in pitch black, he was cool, smart, strong, but he stayed (to an extent) inside the boundries of being human... but in this film? he was a super man, he could jump high, he was super strong, he could pretty much fly, just generally do mad shit, that no human could do... but it ok, because now hes not human! (surprise) hollywood decided that the best thing to do would be to give him a species, say hes the last survivor of a dead, powerful, super race... cleverly called furions! just like in the scorpian king and king arther... king arthers knights were the last surviving samairians, almost unkillable, and in scorpian king, him and his brothers were the last survivors of this amazing, powerful race... etc... the idea just doesn't work... or, well i dont think it does! and also, as john said, everything vin diesel says is in the same fucking monotone! he just has no character, granted you ladies might find him attractive, but he has no tone of voice! everything he says is a tagline! geeeeeeees! be an actor! learn some new tones!

i also watched the village, that was good, i liked that... clever, its hard to say if i hadn't ushered all weekend, and seen big chuncks of the film if i would have worked out the twist or not... but i did notice the director, 'M. Night Shyamalan', the police officer type guy... sat reading the newspaper towards the end, you see his reflection,a dn hear his voice, thats the guy! he was the indian guy in the car in signs... also he is 'doctor hill' in the sixth sense... and apparently he is the stadium night drug dealer in unbreakable, i had to look that one up, i cant remember him in that! but just so you know!

then after riddick (cast showing) me and john went back to ashleys and watched films there too, we saw a very very funny black film... with the guys from wu tang clan... that was good! cant remember the name though... then we watched the class of nuke 'em high, which was brilliant, so tyacky, so badly done, so badly cut, so cheesy with the worst acting ever... but that was the intention! and it works so well... the blurb says... 'When Warren and Chrissy notice some strange things happening around their high school, they begin to suspect that something is going on at the nuclear plant next door. Though the plant officials deny that there are any problems, Crissy gives birth to a bloodthirsty mutant who immediately begins eating everyone in the school. Will Warren and Chrissy be able to stop their killer kid?' and the basic plot outline is The pupils at a high school next to a nuclear power plant start acting and looking strange after buying contaminated drugs from a plant worker... so there you go! go! and watch!

as for life, its all good! worked yesterday (johns shift) instead of today... nice rest until friday! *sleeps*
bought excalibre... but thats it really...
its all gravy!
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Friday, August 13th, 2004

Subject:*And I Exhale, Causing The Oceans Endless Waves*
Time:1:27 am.
Mood: anxious.
"I can resist everything except temptation" - Oscar Wilde

Today was good, woke up at 3pm, as usual, got a call from work a few hours (of doing nothing) later, wanting me to work, so i got to choose my hours and where they were... so i did a 6-10 ushering... good shift, easy on a thursday, nice 20quid earnt... knicked some thick black glasses of simon (belong to his gf, so he was extreamly reluctant... but i didnt give him much of a choice)
i lost my bankcard last friday, called to cancell it on sunday... tried on monday to get money out, was late because i overslept, went for a drink with steve, then to circle briefly, then watched stepford wives (poo)
tuesday, tried again... overslept again... so went circle for a good few hours, broke into the old pub... was fun, if it wasnt broad daylight on a very busy road, it would have been pretty scary! jumped off a wall, hurt my foot...
worked the following day, witha sore foot, ate nachos for some reason (as usual) had 3 iced lattes, so was slightly hyper, coffee and syrip *shudders* got a little ill on the journey home... was a good shift... that brings me to today...

*Glassjaw*...I keep you jealously to myself...
*The Streets*...I'm not gonna fucking just fucking leave it all now...
*Bright Eyes*...You single handedly destroyed everything we ever were, and everything we were to become...
*Maroon 5*...I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door...

got a nice long 10hour shift on ushering tomorrow...
got a simple 2-6 shift on ben and jerrys on saturday
got a 9-6 shift on ushering on sunday
going alton towers with loadsa work people (except simon and mike, which is a shame) on monday...
tuesday... *shrugs*
wednesday i'm being gallery trained! yay!
thats the end of my week, i think ill just sleep through thursday
probably working friday...
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Subject:Lost In Translation
Time:1:23 am.
Mood: anxious.
I guess it’s luck, but it’s the same
Hard luck, you’ve been trying to tame
Maybe it’s love, but it’s like you said
“Love is like a role that we play.”

But, I believe in you so much
I could die for the words that you say
But, I believe in you so much
I could die from the words that you say

But, you’re chasin’ the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
Is getting away from you again
While you’re chasin’ ghosts

I guess it’s luck, but it’s the same
Hard luck, you’ve been trying to tame
Maybe it’s love, but it’s like you said
“Love is like a role that we play.”

But, I believe in you so much
I could die for the words that you say
But, I believe in you so much
I could die from the words that you say

But, you’re chasin’ the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
Is getting away from you again
While you’re chasin’ ghosts

Just bend the pieces ‘till they fit
Like they were made for it
But, they weren’t meant for this
No, they weren’t meant for this

Just bend the pieces ‘till they fit
Like they were made for it
But, they weren’t meant for this

Chasin’ the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
Is getting away, away, away, away from you again

Chasin’ the ghost of a good thing
Haunting yourself as the real thing
Is getting away from you again
While you’re chasin’ ghosts

Friday, July 30th, 2004

Time:12:46 am.
weeeeeeell todays been pretty fun... early morning the council come to assess my wall... it turns out that the assessment by the woman previous was wrong... and that the ticket the man had didnt cover the stuff that needed to be done... so i have too wait another 'however long the council feel like making us wait' to get it all fixed... which halts the wall paper stripping and repapering... painting... carpets up, wooden floor down... and new bed... which means im on the couch for a while to come yet:(

went bowling, that was pretty fun! heheh! i didnt win, but my team overall in the 2 games won hehe! there was 10 of us lol! we nearly filled the poor bowling ally... but the mega bitch was working, so she was preeeetty moody all night!

then we alllll went to watch i,robot! it was a cast showing... and it hasnt even been released yet hehe! so ner! its ok... ripps star wars off abit... same idea as matrix, terminator... etc... it was a bit fantastical... but it was all in all a good watch!

anyways, my mother wants the pc... so im off!

Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Sunday, July 25th, 2004

Subject:lost in paris!
Time:10:51 pm.
well guys... this week was a bit... strange for me... my dad, due to pilling troubles including wife, ex wife, his other kids, money etc... had a mental breakdown... and is now in the local pshcy ward waiting for assessment... hes been graded as level 2... which, im not sure what that means to be honest...

i got a little tooo drunk on friday, went out to see some bands... only really had 9 jd+cokes... but it was the fact that 4 in half hour didnt affect me, so i had another 5 pretty much one after the other... drinking them like they were coke... guzzleing them down... so simon took me to his, and i couldnt walk... i distinctly remember seeing some chavvy guy at the bus stop and saying quietly... but simon said i was shouting it out... 'hehe, lets go bang up that chav!'

anyways... im bored! mike was sposed to show up... but hasnt... simon and soph are downstairs... so im bored.... and dagnebbit simons computer is slow!
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Tuesday, July 13th, 2004

Subject:I suddenly felt too grown up for the Rugrats, and was watching Doug instead...
Time:5:13 pm.
Hoody And Tinx REPRESENT!

I closed my eyes
And I felt weak
Alone was I
In dark and deep.
But then I saw
A figure, near.
Who made my fears
It was the figure
Of a man.
He said to me
'Hello, I'm Dan,
But you can call me Moon-San'.
He took his hand
And let it rest
Upon my heart
On my left breast.
'This', he said
'Will have no more fear
No one can hurt it
While I'm near.
So don't be afraid
My feelings are true'
And then he whispered,
'I love you'.
I opened my eyes
He was no longer there.
No more whispers,
No more colored hair.
But somehow I felt him,
For I didn't feel alone.
The hole in my heart,
I saw, had been sewn.
The darkness around me,
Had turned to light.
And all my fears,
Had taken their flight.
Although he had gone,
He wasn't away.
His love, and his soul
Forever will stay.
Branded in my mind,
In my body, in my heart.
That will no longer bleed
Crimson art.
So wherever I am,
And whatever I do
I will always, NO matter WHAT,
be next to you.
The most important person in the world wrote that for me... Meet Meridith Addison Berk... Tinx for short!

she is by far the silliest person, the silliest of all the sillies, so silly infact that shes something more than a silly billy, shes a (as they say dans le ghetto) a silly billy nilly! and also, she is, the love of my life, my soulmate, someone so amazing that i find myself constantly dreaming, fantasising, imagining how it would be to touch her, to hugg her, to kiss her... dreaming these dreams every minute of everyday... sometimes more in some minutes than in others... especially when im watching one of our films, or listening to one of our songs... granted i work in the cinema, so there are times when im only slightly thinking about her, times when i am doing the usual...

"Can i help you there sir/maam, what can i get you... So you want 2 large hotdogs, one large popcorn combo, salt with a 7up, a pack of revels and a 3 scoop icecream... ok, that will come to 17.30... ill just grab all that for you now... what film are you watching today? oh, yes, thats a good film, very good! well anyway, thankyou very much, enjoy your movie guys, take care!"

One morning i woke up (June 12th), to find a message sitting in my friendster inbox, from a girl, who lives in LA... who insisted on being my friend! we exchanged one or two messages, and by June 15th she was on my msn... that night... i logged on at 12:30... and there she was... instantly, it was like speaking to someone i had knownb for years... none of that... "soooo... erm... what music you like?" stuff... it was straight, i mean STRAIGHT into a conversation about well everyhting! then at 1:58am i got her number... and by 2:12 i was on the phone to her! speaking to a girl i had just met 3 days prior... on the phone... and intantly we were talking... about verything from... our lives, to films, to actors, to our friends to... places we've been to, and places we want to visit... everything! anything! we just talked... for an hour an half! and then again the next night... for 2 hours... and so on and so forth!

one night we even spent over 5 hours speaking... we both started falling asleep... afterall it was... 8am here and 12pm there... but soon! we just... fell in love... she thought up hoody as my pet name, and i for her, thought up tinx! *dreams*... over this last month exactly, since i replied to her first ever message to me... we must have spent over 20 hours over the phone... and you know what the best thing is? she is moving to vienna for 3 months (99% sure its gonna happen) in september!!! which means... instead of flying all day and all night at the cost of like...800quid, now... its a 2 hours flight that can cost about... 70qwuid!!! weve decided out first date, when we first meet will be in paris, a place i love, and shes always wanted to visit, and on the plus side, she goes to a french school! so shes fluent and stuff! so were not gonna go and get our selves lost there! but... if we did, oh well, cant be helped... as long as were together!

Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Thursday, July 1st, 2004

Subject:British weather!
Time:2:51 pm.
Wow, for those of you who just LOVE british weather! you gonna realllly love today! this morning was nice and sunny, so much so that i thought, its toooo hott for a coat! i regret that now! its raining harder than it has done for months... i mean... it must be something like 50 drops per square inch a second!!! its stupid! then you have the thunder (which ok, the heat causes, but still!) and then theres the wind, that changed my direction 3 times, walking straight, the wind literally pushed me to the left! and then again! and then to the right! this wind actually hurt me!!!
So, everyone enjoy this summer, its gonna be a keeper!
ill update with a more detailed entry soon, its been months again!
Ps - Tinx - i love you!
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Saturday, June 12th, 2004

Time:3:01 am.
*sings* happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you... happy birthday dear helen! happy birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Monday, May 24th, 2004

Time:2:22 pm.
Comments: Came Out To Play.

Thursday, May 20th, 2004

Time:8:49 am.

I adopted a cute lil' death fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

I adopted a cute lil' emo fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

i thought that it would be more interesting, like, youd fill out a questionaire or something and it assigned you a fetus... but no, you just pick one... its dumb!
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Thursday, May 13th, 2004

Time:3:10 pm.
Mood: annoyed.
well this is my 'extended' toilet break... in class at the moment, we are doing a mock exam, a mock exam that i have not the first idea about how to do... the questions seem... alien to me, like they are completly random and about nothing that we have studied... ever! and its so easy! i see the rest of the class writting away, and my mind is blank... i dont know why this happens to me, whenever exams happen my mind goes completly blank... maybe its the pressure, but there is no pressure in a mock... its not a serious one... just a test exam... or at leased i hope so, because ive just kinda failed, or currently am failing...my toilet break has become too long, ive left all my stuf there, which means i NEED to go back at some point, ill go back after and talk to jamie... i dont undertand... the questions arnt that difficult, but to me they are stupidly hard!
my college card is in 2 pieces! grrrr! stoooopid design!
i have to go find out today when im next working... i think the way you have to find out is stupid, because you have to go all the way down there, to look on a wall that tells you when your working... what if you pay for the bus there and back... what did you really spend you £2 on? nothing! there should be a phone service, or the website should have a cast log in where you can check online... its dumb... it so happend that i have no money for the bus, i have money on my card, but less than 10, which means i cant withdraw... i hope sainsburys give out £5 cash back... other wise its a nice long old walk for me to the cinema... grrrrrrr!!!
last night i slept at kellies house... infact... i cant remember the last tie i DIDNT sleep at kellies house, its more of a homly feeling there... plus my cat is there (hes moved in with them) kellie is such a great girl... today i was in the kitchen and her brother asked me what time i was leaving today... and then he told me when he got in from school and stuff... which was sweet... and their dog, tes, is the sweetest thing on the planet... its sooo soppy and stuff... plus they always have food! my mum doesnt bother with shopping anymore... nor does she EVER come off the computer other than to sleep (for about 2 hours a night) and to go to work... so if i ever want to be online i have to get home during 9am and 5pm on weekdays... whcih... i really cant be fucked to do...
thursday was rad, i gots me a new tshirt, youth large! baby blue (or kinda that colour)... and my trousers came... so i feel good... ive started only wearing tshirts instead of jumpers and long sleve thingys... im getting bigger body wise, all that bloody cleaning at the cinema and lifting shit that you need a machine for is giving me muscles! fuck going gym, ill just work at the cinema!
ps... terry is buying me download tickets (yeah right) but we'll see how that goes...
kellie, i miss you! i kinda want a hug... stupid depressing exams!
write again soon!
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Tuesday, May 4th, 2004

Time:2:11 pm.
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Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Monday, April 26th, 2004

Subject:The Tilting Of The Hour Glass, With All This Time To Kill
Time:11:20 am.
Mood: amused.
Well, here i am, fully dressed and ready for college, ive been this ready for about an hour, i was so proud of myself. Its now 11.21am, my lesson starts at 11.20am! Why am i still here? well, at about 8am, when my mum and grandmare were still here, the council came round to fit the new windows. They still havent left! My mum has, she left for work at about 9am. My Grandmare has, she set off for her 6hour journey home at about 10.30am... So i'm stuck here, all alone, well if im not really if you count the countless builders who keep coming in and walking through my house. On the upside, my kitchen, living room and both bedrooms now have nice new fancy windows, which is pretty good! theyre so cool, you can lock them and all sorts, and open them from the outside! I knew the builders were coming, but i didnt think they would take this long! All those times i made up those stories for my teachers about the council doing work on my block, and now its actually true... but anyway, yesterday i had to tidy my room and my balcony! it was so hard, not the room, i just threw everything under my bed and stuff... but the balcony? it hasnt been touched for about 10 years! and there was this MASSIVE fish tank on there, so there was about 6 gallons of water to ladle out! and lots of heavy things containing soil and pebbles and all sorts! most of it was too heavy for me, but no! noone would help me! i had to carry it all down stairs and then down the corridor to the shoot! which made me feel quite manly actually, and it sorted my back out pretty well!

I have re-discovered finch! im currently listening to their stuff that i have on my computer, and i thought, how come i havent listened to them for sooooo long? and then i realised, its over a whole year since i first heard them, since juliet got me into them. And its over a year since April 13th, Amy's party! which means ive known them all for a year now, and that feels weird. I kinda miss Juliet.

Today is my first training day at the filmworks! im so exited! ill finally have a job and my OWN money! plus the 84quid a month from both my parents! id so much prefere a monthly amount... 84quid a month seems so much more than 21quid a week which is actually what it is! because, i can afford loads of things! diesel clothes! etc... but, i cant save! i always just spend it everyweek! grrrrrrrr! so an extra 40/50odd quid a week wouldnt be turned away! thats about 244quid a month! but again! its all in weekly salerys! so ill only ever have 60odd quid a week, which actually, seeing that written down, is alot! thats 2 pairs of converse a week! (which im obviously not going to buy, just to illustrate how much i would get)

does anyone feel like giving/lending me a plug to stretch my ear to 6mm? my ear is 4mm and i have a cool tunnel, but... i needs it bigger, ive decided i wanna go only up to 6mm, so i have about a 5mm hole! atm, the hole is tiny!

I have kill bill on dvd! its cool! i should be going to see the second one very soon, what with working in the conema and stuff, it will be free... me and john will be working together, im joining the gym aswell! that means... me and john will be... working, working-out, learning and jamming together! were like a couple! i think thats maybe what he wants, i mean, he was rubbing my leg and blowing kisses at me during 'Monster' and 'Dawn of the Dead'!

*edit* Ginger chris is special!

this last weekend has been rad! soooooooo hot and stuff which is good, lots of people coming out to play! you know who really makes me happy? Kellie! i spent thursday night at her house, its so cool, her mum is pretty cool to, i mean... anyone with a blond mohawk and an eyebrow piercing has gotta be cool! ive seen so many friends recently! me and charlotte decided we are best friends! which is cool, all my best friends live... like... time away blad!
I MISS YOU KELLIE! come here! now!
anyway thats enough writting for now, its 11.57am now. just one more thing!

Chaswick is gay!
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Monday, April 19th, 2004

Subject:Bare Screamin An Ting!
Time:12:59 am.
Mood: happy.
im just updating because... well apart from talking to lexy, im bored!
im currently doing 3 things... watching men and motors, because im so manly... *really its because there a fassion show on* (which ever you want to believe), im making a mix cd for kelly, theres just some bands shes never even heard of... this must be rectified (i dont care if thats spelt wrong) although it will probably end up being a mix... 2 cds... because theres sooooo manys bands i want to show her... and im also doing my extreamly overdue media corsework... well thats actually a lie... i figure, when everone has logged off... ill start my corsework... hey... its simple... i have about 9 hours to write 1000 words, how simple is that? but its soooo hard! its harder to write a short essay than it is to write a long one!!!
lexy is such a cool person, she said shell stay awake and chat to me until morning... hehehe! *huggs lexy*
you know whats really annoying? i think the rasmus suck! just as much as HIM... but i love the song in the shadows! its so addictive!
yesterday was quite fun! at about 4pm, when me and kelly were ready we strolled off to circle to collect any stragglers who hadnt yet gone greenwich park, and all went off... got there to find 2 groups... a massive scary group of dirty grungers on the top of a hill, and the cirlce lot sat by a tree, then me, john, chaswick, kelly and jason all went sark brifely, then came back, it was a good 20 minutes or so... where we talked random shite and stuff, john offered my a quid to jump into the thames, i spose its better than 50p to jump off the 11th floor of sainsburys car park!!! but anyway, we all went to the swing park, and played family had, which i won both games off... you just cant catch dan! you can get john, but not dan!
then afterwards i went johns house, where he fed me... and we talked for ages... then watched a romantic comedy (someone like you) or something to that effect... but the whole evening was totally masculine and 100% straight!!! not like chaswick, who is as homosexual as they come...
and then i came home and slept... it was cool, and on that note... i havnt gotten dressed today! shorts and teeshirt all day!
and can i just say... fear before the march of flames - on the brightside, she could choke is such a good song!
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Saturday, April 17th, 2004

Time:6:06 am.
hey! well imma update about yesterday/this morning, because im tempted to say its the worst day ever, but it was rteally the best and most memorable! skate park was good, got there about 1 after sleeping at pilgrims for the 3rd night in a row, but i actually got a good 10hours sleep which was cool, there were loadsa people there, so lotsa chatting and stuff... then we all went back to pilgrims for khys birthday, and thats where it gets a bit funny! when we got there, the electric had gone, so when everyone showed up, they put their money together and buy some... then began the most boring party! which at about 3am me and kelly got thrown out of, because we were talking in pilgrims room, and people kept trying to come in and then seeing us and apologising and leaving, so pilgrim thought we were having sex in his bed, and he wouldnt listen to our story, so he threw us out. So i was walking kelly home, when a car full of black woman pullled up, and they asked us to come closer and help them get to some where, i knew there was something fishy, because it was 3.30am, their car was covered in 'stuff' like yogurt or something... and they showed us a little map and asked us where stains was... that was the final thing, i knew spomething was gonna happen, but i couldnt quite put my finger on it, so i was looking... and i we said no, your miles of.... and the stupid bitch in the front seat squirted ketchup at us, (hense the stains, but i didnt realise that until a few minutes later) which was... funny actually... cheered us up as it goes, so we gets to kellys house, covered in ketchup only to find her mum had double locked the door, and her and her mum arnt on the best of terms, so we had to walk the 2 miles to my house, got her at about 5am, to find my mum awake playing backgammon... (obviously)... so i had a bath and ate something, and she slept (which is what shes doing now) and thats it to now really (6.30am-by my clock) so there you go!
Comments: Came Out To Play.

Sunday, April 11th, 2004

Time:1:10 am.
I am 43% evil.

I could go either way. I have sinned quite a bit but I still have a bit of room for error. My life is a tug of war between good and evil.

Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Friday, February 27th, 2004

Time:1:09 am.
well... its, 1.15 am, an i jus got off the phone with kirsty, afta SIX HOURS! thts the longest phone convo ever! hehehe! i read to her an stuff! it was so rad! john im disappointed! u werent there earlier, i had to eat steak with my mum, cos it would had gone off, it had already been frozen an defrosted! i waited outside ashes for ageeeeeeees!!! u hoe! oh well! hehehe! the steak was good! my dog is whinnin, hes tryin to get up an he cant, stupid dog, y lay on the lino! its stupid!

an john, the line isnt kiss my face, taste the blood etc... its kiss my fist, taste the floor... etc... so john... what kind of hardcore kid r u? *shakes fist* iv been singin ur version (i think we should use that in a song, its not technically stealin lyrics!) hehehe!
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

Thursday, February 26th, 2004

Subject:Life Without Love, Or, Love Without Life?
Time:11:41 am.
Mood: thirsty.
hehe! weeeeeeeeeeell! last nite was amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazin! i saw FROM AUTUMN TO ASHES! an they were brilliant! i love them so much! an the sexy drummer sounded even better live! so iv decided hes my new hero! an imma start a new fan club! allllll hail... Francis Mark!!!!!! boys night out were good too! different, but still very good, they screamed most of it, so it was more like a lil emocore band as opposed to jus a lil emotional band! and cry for silence were rad! i hadnt heard more than the one song before, but now... i think i look into them a lil more! the singer an one of the guitarists of fata (i couldnt see who the guitarist was, cos he was in't shadows... signed my ticket, so thats my present to kirsty! hehehe! i met helen! from my friendster, she was quite rad, altho she didnt speak 2 me much! but oh well! i was really shy last night, cos instead of goin with a group of people i kno, like usual, it was only john, an john knew everyone there... an i couldnt find nethin interestin to say to these cool, XfassionxcoreX people!

in other news, an really... how could i forget? me an john had our 8th (i think) cake! we finally got scooby! he was quite tasty, but not really in the top 5 i dont think... im off to ashleys afta college today with john, to eat beef steak! hehehe! cos were so hardcore! altho fiona is stealin john away! the sad thing is, if i defrost the steak, it has to b eaten, an if john leaves before i get there, then he loses out! an me an ash will hav to eat said steak! its so weird rite now, cos im 3 floors up (i live in a maisonette) an theres scaffholdin all ova it, cos theyre makin the flat betterm, but theres people walkin past my window, 3 floors up an i keep catchin them outta the corner of my eye! an no matter how many times i see it, i still dont remember that its the scafholdin an it scares me, cos i think theyre flyin or sommet! im glad to say, this week has gone sooooooooooooo fast! which is good, cos im not able to see my kirsty this weekend, so hopefully next week goes jus as fast until im off to winchester again! i need to go bluewater to get a red an black stripey scarf! i neeeeeeeeeds it! for 2 reasons, its cool! an therefor i become cool... an 2... its suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuch a nice scarf! im glad theyre repairin the windows randomly tho, cos about... 2 weeks ago, i managed to break my big window in my room... iv had my curtains closed since, but it means... that the window will b replaced very soon! neway, im off to college in a short while... byeeeeeeeeeee!!!
Comments: All The Girls Came Out To Play.

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